King Bill's Trial

King Bill was not a good man, he had his little ways;
And once the Congress spoke of him for days and days and days.
The hearings went for months, in deliberations long
To scrutinize each Starry note;
Soon followed the impeaching vote,
In hope the Senate would demote the king for all his wrong.

King Bill was not a good man, yet had his hopes and fears.
They'd shown him no bipartisanship now for years and years and years.
And if he'd thought his statement out, instead he would have written:
"TO EACH ONE ON THE WHOLE JURY,
W. RENQUIST MOST ESPECIALLY,"
And signed it not with "WILLIAM C.", but, very humbly, "CLI'TON".

"I want victory over Iraq, and be a 'Yankee-doodle dandy';
I think peace in Kosovo would come in handy;
I don't mind an education plan that some think is nuts,
And I SHOULD like a budget that really has cuts.
And, oh! Justice Renquist, if you love me even a little,
Bring me a big, bipartisan india-rubber-stamped acquittal!"

King Bill was not a good man—he thought he had atoned
For all his sins committed when good sense he had disowned.
He couldn't bear to watch when neared the ending of the trial,
Despite that polls showed high approval
And called for censure, not removal;
The chance remained for some reproval from both sides of the aisle.

"Forget about Iraq, and being 'Yankee-doodle dandy';
I'm sure that peace in Kosovo would never come in handy;
I know my education plans are really kind of nuts,
And I HAVE got a budget that almost has cuts.
But, oh! Justice Renquist, if you love me even a little,
Bring me a big, bipartisan india-rubber-stamped acquittal!"

King Bill was not a good man—next morning when the sun
Rose up to tell a waiting world the trial had begun,
And people seized their newspapers and opened them with glee,
And news and stocks and sports appeared
And more names through the muck were smeared
King Bill said grimly: "As I feared, no acquittal yet for me!"

"I did want to beat Iraq, and be a 'Yankee-doodle dandy';
I know peace in Kosovo would come in handy;
I love my education plans, even if they're nuts,
I haven't got a budget—not one with cuts.
And, oh! if Justice Renquist had loved me even a little,
He would have brought a big, bipartisan india-rubber-stamped acquittal!"

Then finally on that Friday, down through the Senate's roster,
They failed to convict the king and thus achieve his ouster.
How ironic to acquit a man who from the truth would shy,
Coinciding (almost) with President's Day
Which honors Lincoln ("Honest A.")
And Washington who (some would say) never told a lie.

AND, OH, JUROR-SENATORS, HAVE YOU LEFT US IN THE MIDDLE
BY BRINGING HIM A BIG, BIPARTISAN INDIA-RUBBER-STAMPED ACQUITTAL?

                                                                                    —A.A.M.

                                                                                                                                  © 1999