Quite long ago, Valentine sent in the mail
A letter, his heart full of gratitude,
Addressed to the child of a guard in the jail,
Saying thanks for her kind-hearted attitude.
This letter, though dropped in a box inconspicuously,
Escaped not the eye of the mailers
Who read and resealed every letter meticulously—
And here saw a boon for retailers.
They contacted greeting card comp'nies galore,
Commissioning bards from the Nile;
Made a fortune off stock, but off postage much more—
Then they quickly retired in style.
Next, Chaucer intoned, in his Old English way,
The suggestion that Flora's Floralia
Was somehow connected to Valentine's Day—
Despite there's no flow'rs in Februalia.
Then Hershey chimed in and said, "Won't it be sweet,
If, with flowers and card, they send candy?"
And word spread around, up and down every street,
That "I love you", in chocolate, is dandy.
And now, in '01, on this mixed-up occasion,
I'm perplexed as to how I should say
My depth of affection and appreciation
For you, on this Valentine's Day.