Home Sweet OSHA-Compliant Home

Didja hear the news
For those who choose
To work at home these days?
Now OSHA says
Each worker’s res
Must be safe in all these ways:

No open fires
No jumbled wires
No second-handed smoke;
No screen with glare
No bulb that’s bare
Hey—this is not a joke!

This will require
That we must hire
Technicians in the science
Of building care
And home repair
To bring us to compliance.

Your chair must be
The most comfy—
Or else your back you’ll wreck;
If you respect
Your spine, correct
The angle of your neck.

To get a drink
At the kitchen sink
Should not be a dangerous caper;
And most of all
The toilet stall
Must not run out of paper.

The oxygen
You’re breathing in
Mustn’t irritate your airway;
And “EXIT” lights
Must shine at nights
To help you find the stairway.

You must prepare
Protective wear
Like helmets and safety glasses;
The eyes of Big Brother
See one thing and another
To tell you that it barely passes.

But hold on dear
What’s this I hear?
My gosh, I’m almost winded!
Go tell the crew
Their work is through—
The edict’s been rescinded!

              —Anon A. Mouse

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