It Just Don't Measure Up Anymore

We need a brand new yardstick, cuz our old one's gotten broken
From measurin' and drawin' lines and fireplace a-pokin',
And fishin' out stuff lost behind a bookcase or a couch,
And lunge-and-parry fencing bouts (that always end with "ouch!"),
From battin' nerf balls, golfin' socks, and overheadin' valances,
And checking if a boulder and the dictionary balances.
I didn't think that it would break—I thought it would be hard;
But give these kids an inch, and don't ya know? They take a yard.

                                                  —Anon A. Mouse

                                                                                                © 2001