Part 1: Insomnia Is Hereditary—You Get It From Your Children
Remember when the twins were born, so helpless and benign?
Remember? You had this-a-one, and that-a-one was mine.
Now, for awhile it seemed like things were gonna be all right;
And then they got the notion that what’s fun goes on at night.
So ever after that they didn’t want to go to sleep
But snooze with us in rocking chairs, not uttering a peep.
And when we put them in their cribs, remember how we’d fight ‘em?
Oh yes, dear, I remember--it went on ad infant-night-um!
Part 2: Insanity Can’t Be Hereditary—Our Parents Didn’t Have Twins
Remember when the boys were born, and just a few weeks old?
Remember how we’d bundle them to take them in the cold?
And how that year at Christmastime we took them on a jet
(Despite the fact we knew they wouldn’t ‘ppreciate it yet)?
We took them as a present--one for your Mom, one for mine;
Remember that except for that return flight, all went fine?
Remember how we raced around O’Hare? It was horrendous!
Oh yes, dear, I remember--we were two “loco parentis”!
Part 3: Indigestion Is Hereditary—Either That, Or It’s Something You Ate
Remember when it always seemed that they were spitting up?
And how they gagged when first we gave them water in a cup?
Remember how it seemed that they would always need fresh bedding?
And Jonathan, who ate too much, threw up at Sally’s wedding?
Remember how their tummies seemed to upset without causeum?
Oh yes, dear, I remember--’cause these things went on ad nauseum!
- O. Nonymous