If You Can Still Hear the Baby Crying, Just Turn Up the TV

Now, don’t you think that Gabriel was very, very busy
And flying ‘round in circles, on the verge of getting dizzy
When God the Lord commissioned him to be his emissary
To take a shocking message to an unsuspecting Mary—
               News about a baby in a manger?

And what about the shepherds—wha’d’ya think they were afraid of?
It wasn’t creatures made of, well, the stuff an angel’s made of;
It’s just that at this time of year, there’s too much to say “No” to,
And now there’s yet another Christmas pageant they should go to,
               Just to see a baby in a manger.

Imagine if the Magi had a fight about their presents:
“You always get to give the gold, and me the frankinesence!
And how much did you spend on all that myrrh down at the store?
We’re s’posed to spend the same, so I’ll just buy him something more,
               Fitting for a baby in a manger.”

I’m glad you’re not so frenzied at this time of year so glorious
With hectic, selfish, vain pursuits, like those who came beforya’s.
You only have to cut a tree and put it up and trim it,
And clean and cook and bake those Christmas goodies without limit,
               In honor of the baby in the manger.

Then shop and shop until you drop, assemble gifts and wrap ‘em,
And on that Night, if anyone’s caught stirring then you trap ‘em.
And then on Christmas morning when the tumult’s getting high,
Above it all you’re sure to hear the faint and muffled cry
               Coming from the baby in the manger.

                                                      —T. Scrooge Grinch

                                                                                                      © 1997