Merry Kwanzukkah

The time of year this time of year is called by many names,
By schools and stores and towns that play their "non-offending" games.
The adjective accompanying the event that they're describing—
Be it a "Concert", "Break" or "Party" thing in which they are imbibing—
White witches and their friendish fiends would have it always "Winter"
And never, ever "Christmas"—not the slightest little hint 'er.

Some wish a "Merry Xmas!" to most everyone they're meeting,
Imagining that "X" will make a neutral sounding greeting.
But it's not a Latin X; it is a Hellenistic chi
(Which to pronounce, you clear your throat and make it rhyme with kh-kh-key).
So if YOU're a "Merry Xmas"-er, then YOU're the disappointed one,
Cuz chi is short, in Greek-ish, for the word that means "Anointed One".

But don't say, "Happy Holidays"—you'd better be more careful;
Cuz "holidays" are "holy days", and that sounds kind of prayerful.
Now, it's fine to offer Yuletide prayers that no one is disputin':
To Santa Claus, or Christmas Witch, or Good Sir Isaac Newton,
Or even toward the cities of Jerusalem, or Mecca (?),
But not to homeless Christ-childs—if you do, you'll catch-a heck-a.

So you're left with "Seasons Greetings", words supremely non-specific—
Till one performs dissection on this modern hieroglyphic:
"Season" springs from "serere, to sow"—or "give birth", maybe?
And "Greet" comes from the word for "cry"—exactly like a baby!
Therefore, "Seasons Greetings" can in some way be construed to
Refer to just the thing which one feels outlawed to allude to.

If the care you must exhibit in your speech this time of year
Making sure you don't offend someone with Christmas-centric cheer
Has begun to make you feel more uncomfortable than they
If you happened to be wishing them a Happy Christmas day…
Then here's a little fact I think it's rather hard to dismiss:
The name of this federal holiday, last I checked, is Christmas.

                                                          —Anon A. Mouse

                                                                                                       © 2005