Give 'Em an Inch and They'll Take a Million

or,

Those Who Sued Subway Got the Short End of the Sandwich

Subway has long history of long and tasty food;
But their famous “Footlong” wasn’t always quite, and got them sued.
The young litigant, an Aussie with a massive appetite,
Took a selfie of his luscious lunch before he took a bite,
But he noticed with his Bushie eye it didn’t measure up.
(Though how, when modern metric Aussies don’t know “inch” from “cup”?)

“The sandwich that I ordered was a half inch short at least—
For years I’ve heard it said that they’ve been skimping on the yeast!
Because of that, I almost starved for lack of length of bun—
What? Evidence, Your Honor? Oops, I ate ‘Exhibit 1’…
But my stomach’s just the perfect size to eat a Footlong whole,
So I knew that I’d been cheat: when I was done, it left a hole.

“Well, I’m sorry that I ate up all that evidence for lunch—
But I’m sure you’ll still see to it Subway pays a whole big bunch.”
The magistrate, Judge Bob’s-Your-Uncle, seemed to side with him:
“I find for the complainant, though the evidence is slim.
Now, Subway has to measure up—and fees they cannot duck;
But for monetary damages…I’m ’fraid you’re outta luck.”

So…
The attorneys shared a half a mil, as to the bank they laughed;
Ten plaintiffs’ reps got half a thou; I think we got the shaft.

—Sub Nonymous