I Do Solemnly Swear to Tell Duluth, Du Whole 'luth, And Nothing But Duluth—So Hold My Dog
(to the tune of Mister Ed)
Duluth is Duluth
And that’s the truth;
It’s same as it was way back in my youth.
That is the truth,
But now Duluth
Is Jenna’s vacationland!
She went to Duluth
This adventurous youth
The answer you’ll get if you ask, forsooth.
Because the truth
Is that Duluth
Is Jenna’s vacationland!
Seagulls uncouth
Were at Duluth,
They occupied even the pay-phone booth;
The gulls who flew’th
Were less than ruth
At Jenna’s vacationland!
(We take a short break from our song for Jenna’s oral report on her winter vacation. Go ahead, Jenna.
“ ‘What I Did on My Winter Vacation’, by Jenna Quant.
“On my winter vacation, me and my dog went to Duluth. It was all froze up. So, we went to the Bahamas instead. The-e-e-e End.”
Thank you, Jenna. That was…spellbinding. Bone-chilling. Heartwarming. Unusual. Unusual, in that everything was spelled correctly. Eh-hem. Now, then. Back to our song.)
To Duluth she had went
With wonderment—
But almost had kind of an accident,
When a lift bridge meant
Her car to dent
At Jenna’s vacationland!
“They’ve great signage here
Right on the pier,
With messages no tourist likes to hear:
‘No Diving Here
With Moose Or Deer’,”
In Jenna’s vacationland?!
Now if you want proof
She went to Duluth,
Just ask and she’ll tell you the bitter truth
Of where, forsooth,
She froze her tooth—
Well listen to this:
“I—went—to—Du-luth!”
—Anon J. Moose