I Do Solemnly Swear to Tell Duluth, Du Whole 'luth, And Nothing But Duluth—So Hold My Dog

(to the tune of Mister Ed)

            Duluth is Duluth
                        And that’s the truth;
            It’s same as it was way back in my youth.
            That is the truth,
                        But now Duluth
            Is Jenna’s vacationland!

            She went to Duluth
                        This adventurous youth
            The answer you’ll get if you ask, forsooth.
            Because the truth
                        Is that Duluth
            Is Jenna’s vacationland!

            Seagulls uncouth
                        Were at Duluth,
            They occupied even the pay-phone booth;
            The gulls who flew’th
                        Were less than ruth
            At Jenna’s vacationland!

(We take a short break from our song for Jenna’s oral report on her winter vacation. Go ahead, Jenna.

      “ ‘What I Did on My Winter Vacation’, by Jenna Quant.

     “On my winter vacation, me and my dog went to Duluth. It was all froze up. So, we went to the Bahamas instead. The-e-e-e End.”

Thank you, Jenna. That was…spellbinding. Bone-chilling. Heartwarming. Unusual. Unusual, in that everything was spelled correctly. Eh-hem. Now, then. Back to our song.)

            To Duluth she had went
                        With wonderment—
            But almost had kind of an accident,
            When a lift bridge meant
                        Her car to dent
            At Jenna’s vacationland!

            “They’ve great signage here
                        Right on the pier,
            With messages no tourist likes to hear:
            ‘No Diving Here
                        With Moose Or Deer’,”
            In Jenna’s vacationland?!

            Now if you want proof
                        She went to Duluth,
            Just ask and she’ll tell you the bitter truth
            Of where, forsooth,
                        She froze her tooth—
            Well listen to this:


                                                —Anon J. Moose