I bought me some gizmos to catch an intruder,
A sneak-around-quiet-at-nighttime house looter,
Inside-of-the-walls-and-dark-corners polluter –
Not to mention, all-friends-and-relations recruiter.
Well, the gizmos I bought were the top-line, first rate,
With cool-looking platters for holding the bait,
So that all I’d to do was to sit back and wait
Till the whap of the flap of the trap sealed his fate.
Now, you might start to wondering what’s in my mind,
That I’m turning to hunting down those of my kind
With devices of death – murdermousely designed
To “let ’em eat bait” then be—SNAP!—guill-o-tined.
But these WMMD’s that I’ve put in production –
Which, you know, stands for Weapons of Mass Mouse Destruction –
Are baited to maximize rodent seduction,
Luring lowlifes I’ll see to it cease reproduction.
Cuz you see, just like humans, we mice have our laws
Against trespassish nesting and vandalous gnaws,
So at places and times when there’s clearly just cause
Mouse outlaws face death in WMMD’s jaws.
And that was the plan, as I first set it out:
I’d capture that villain – of that I’d no doubt;
Yes, I’d capture that crook by his ratfinking snout…
But all that the trap did was let him pig out.
Yup, he licked clean that platter, as shiny as new,
And doubtless went home and invited his shrew
To join him that night – there’s one there for her too…
And both dined while the trigger-things stuck there like glue.
I’d even adjusted the snap sensitivity
To be much more inclined toward light-touch perceptivity,
Thus enhancing, I thought, that whole air of festivity –
Which would end with that vandal-mouse suddenly rivety.
But no matter which setting it’s on (checked it twice)
All I was doing was feeding the mice
With those fancy new gizmos I bought at a price.
But wait—what’s that sound? Was that two “whaps”? How nnnnniiiice!