Book Spellin' Is Overrated

I’m rather an abecedarian
In the biblo-vocab’lary biz:
Like, I woke up a quinquagenarian,
Never knowing before what that is.

But that’s but the least of my trouble;
My spelling is also atrocious.
As for rules—like, when consonants double?—
Well, let’s just say…I wasn’t percocious.

Cuz the doubles occuring in "occurring"
Make me tremble with terrible terror,
And my mind takes to bluring on "blurring",
So my “minuscule” has a miniscule error.

Now, "guesses" I guess in three guesses,
But “worshiped” I always have worshipped;
That "possesses" possesses five esses
Could turn once shipshape warships to worse-shiped.

The word "nuisance" is always a nuisance,
I’ve witheld one small "h" from “withheld”,
And though I see right through spelling "translucence",
I can’t tell that I’ve mispelled "misspelled".

Makes no sense to me how to spell “nonsense”,
And "difficult" is difficult, though not hard;
But "strengths", on the strength of eight cons’nants,
Will knock you right off of your guard.

Moreover, “moreover” is bothersome,
And "peculiar" has a peculiar spelling;
I’ve been known to muff farther and father some,
While "misspelling" I still am mispelling.

Can a yeoman Roman showman spell “omen”?
I’m not certain; but “weird” I spell weird.
And though no man has yet(i) bombed “snowmen”,
"Abominible" I bombed worse than I'd feared.

Nemonics won’t help me with "mnemonics",
I can never spell "orally" orally,
My fonics mess up spelling "phonics",
And "embarrasses" embarasses me thoroughly.

However, however creatively
I may misspell, with boldness and courage
(In ways not how natives spell natively),
I’m one who is tough to discourage.

Cuz I can surely spell “bath” with no tub,
And “sauna” by sounding each vowel;
“Tarn” I don’t tarnish or flub,
Though on “baptismal”…I throw in the towel.

                                                   —Anon A. Mispelled